cycle

i don’t want to watch this movie
my inner monologue screams out in silence
just leave me alone, all of you
i love you, and that’s why i can’t watch you fall
or go blind or grow dumb and plagued by dementia
it hurts goddammit…don’t you know that?
can’t you see it?
i don’t want to be “strong” and left behind
i’m constantly terrified
and so i’m on you…get your appointments scheduled
go to this doctor and that, as if it makes a difference
i try to tend to whatever whims you may have
because in that corner of my mind i fear
it might be the last time you speak to me
and that fills my soul with madness
a madness, florid with grief and frustration
at the ones so strong when i was young
in turn becoming weak and soft
i ache from frailty
i weep…because we’re family

-m.s.